Worm_Farmer

A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

Worm_Farmer

Why cant you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will "Let it Gooo"

Kat2

I read the title as best bad tokes. Curious, I rushed right in...old eyes are my excuse

2 men floating down the river on a block of marble; they took it for granted/granite.

Badabing

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sputinc7

Yup, those are bad jokes. I should know.

__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

Botanical_Bryce

Top this.
What did the balding witch say?
I'm molting! I'm molting! I'm molting!

sputinc7

Here is a bad joke.. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says,"Why the long face?"

Here is joke that is bad...

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth closed that does the trick."

__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

sputinc7

A few more. I couldn't help myself...

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house Wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.

'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'

'Oh crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't Realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant "Tits Go In Front"
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George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
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A man in Florida

tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some idiot wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."

"No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

sputinc7

I just HAD to give you one more. Last one today.

“Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”
The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady comes back.
“Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts – although still silent – stink terribly.”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”

__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

sputinc7

Now, some actual bad jokes.

I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"
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My wife has left me because of my fetish for pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

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Did you hear about the new breakfast cereal for impotent men?

its called: nut n raisin honey!

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What do you give an Elephant with diarrhea?

Lots of room.

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__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

sputinc7

Last one today, I promise...

A 75-year-old Earl walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist, an uptight lady, said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my Johnson,” he replied. Several people turned their heads to look at him, surprised.
The receptionist, embarrassed at the situation, said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” Earl said.
The receptionist replied, “Now you have caused needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
The man replied, “You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.” He then walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly. “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear,” Earl stated loudly.
The receptionist nodded approvingly, knowing he had taken her advice. “What is wrong with your ear, sir?”
“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied.

__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

Worm_Farmer

LoL, some of these are pretty good!

Worm_Farmer

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

adoyouthinkhesaurus

Worm_Farmer

What do you call a Dinosaur that gets in a car accident?

Tyrannasaurus wreck!

Chipb2

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus ...

'It only takes one nail to hang up a picture'

What do you call a cow with no legs

'Ground beef'

What do you call a cow with no front legs

'Lean beef'

sputinc7

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair
every year, and every year Buddy would say,
“Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”
Edna always replied, “I know Buddy, but that
helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
fifty bucks.”
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair,
and Buddy said, “Edna, I’m 85 years old. If I
don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get
another chance.
To this Edna replied, “Buddy that helicopter ride Is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks,”
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
“Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of
you for a ride. If you can stay quiet For the
entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge
you a penny! But if you say one word its fifty
dollars.”
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres,
but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil
tricks over and over again, but still not a
word…
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy
and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to
get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m
impressed!”
Buddy replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I
almost said something when Edna fell out, but
you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”

I can't be the only person here who knows a few jokes! Come on people!

__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

JP

That one wasn't bad. Fart jokes are the best!

sputinc7

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

__________________

If you lose your head and give up, you neither live nor win.

https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

Varieties I supposedly bought: Manzano, Cavendish, Blue Java, Sweetheart, and Gros Michel.
What it seems I actually have: Brazilian, Cavendish, Namwah, Dwarf Red, Gros Michel, Pisang Ceylon, Veinte Cohol and SH 3640, and American Goldfinger. FHIA 1, Paggi and FHIA 17... Always room for one more.

Chipb2

I went to the corner shop bought 4 corners

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says 'you man the guns I'll drive'

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

sputinc7

Not a joke but it sure is funny...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REj8cs7-UOc

Worm_Farmer