My wife's birthday present.

alpha010 · 04-01-2009, 07:53 PM

This year my wife came up to me and said "For my birthday, I expect something sitting in the driveway that goes 0-200 in under 10 seconds"

So, I bought her a scale.....(insert rim shot, or gunshot depending on gender)

Shaggy

mskitty38583 · 04-01-2009, 08:30 PM

oh that got you into a LOT of trouble....i think an iron would have been better....or a toaster.

alpha010 · 04-01-2009, 08:40 PM

lol....

Richard · 04-01-2009, 08:42 PM

austinl01 · 04-01-2009, 09:37 PM

Good one. Ha ha...

just j · 04-01-2009, 10:08 PM

lmfao

Moonshiner · 04-01-2009, 10:09 PM

ba-da-BOOM!

Where's Rodney when you need him?

My wife has cut me down to once a month. I'm lucky. I know two guys she cut off completely.

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West.

When I was born, the doctor said to my father, " I'm sorry, we did everything we could but he still pulled through".

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over there's nobody home". So I went over. There was nobody home.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I just bought a new Japanese car, then turned on the radio. I don't understand a word they're saying.

Bananaman88 · 04-02-2009, 01:02 PM

Those sound like the one-liners one of the contestants used to do one season of "Last Comic Standing". I can't remember his name. He only did one-liners and he almost always wore overalls, with a blazer draped over one arm. Pretty funny stuff.

Tog Tan · 04-02-2009, 01:51 PM

The best birthday present I would send my exwife is a reverse version of the wedding tape;

You will see her taking off the wedding tape, then walking back down the aisle, and then comes the best part - she gets into the car and bloody *%#$# off!

Disclaimer; if anything happens to any of you, I didn't suggest the above.

Michael_Andrew · 04-02-2009, 02:03 PM

Tog we are almost related. I was married to that same woman!

alpha010 · 04-02-2009, 03:57 PM

Crap, I am married to her..........................

Tog Tan · 04-02-2009, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alpha010

Crap, I am married to her..........................

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael_Andrew

Tog we are almost related. I was married to that same woman!

Remember the song by Peaches and Herbs (I think)...We are family...

alpha010 · 04-02-2009, 04:11 PM

....I got all my sistahs n me!

Chironex · 04-02-2009, 08:40 PM

Those are vintage Rodney Dangerfield one-liners. One of the best.
Sex is scary I tell ya, last time I had sex, I was all alone.

My wife, what a tramp. She told me I was one in a million - I found out she wasn't lying.

I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Tough I tell ya, even the babies wore black leather diapers.

04-01-2009, 07:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
alpha010 Metal Nanners!! alpha010 's Photo Gallery Location: Mineral Ridge, Ohio Find me on the map! Zone: 6 on arborday 5b on USDA Name: Bob aka Shaggy Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 470 BananaBucks : 139,332 Feedback: 0 / 0% Said "Thanks" 121 Times Was Thanked 238 Times in 148 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 11 Times	My wife's birthday present. This year my wife came up to me and said "For my birthday, I expect something sitting in the driveway that goes 0-200 in under 10 seconds" So, I bought her a scale.....(insert rim shot, or gunshot depending on gender) Shaggy __________________ LOL! My house doesnt exist on the member map! Get a little Love in your life. Jump in a Mosh Pit! The only place where every emotion one person can feel will join together and express all at once.

04-01-2009, 08:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
mskitty38583 banana junkie mskitty38583 's Photo Gallery Location: north carolina Find me on the map! Zone: 7b Name: mskitty Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 4,071 BananaBucks : 193,307 Feedback: 26 / 100% Said "Thanks" 82 Times Was Thanked 890 Times in 617 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 136 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. oh that got you into a LOT of trouble....i think an iron would have been better....or a toaster. __________________ WELCOME TO THE GATOR NATION

04-01-2009, 08:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
alpha010 Metal Nanners!! alpha010 's Photo Gallery Location: Mineral Ridge, Ohio Find me on the map! Zone: 6 on arborday 5b on USDA Name: Bob aka Shaggy Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 470 BananaBucks : 139,332 Feedback: 0 / 0% Said "Thanks" 121 Times Was Thanked 238 Times in 148 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 11 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. lol.... __________________ LOL! My house doesnt exist on the member map! Get a little Love in your life. Jump in a Mosh Pit! The only place where every emotion one person can feel will join together and express all at once.

04-01-2009, 08:42 PM	#4 (permalink)
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04-01-2009, 10:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
just j TANTALIZING TROPICALS just j's Photo Gallery Location: shawano wisconsin Zone: 4-5 Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 471 BananaBucks : 64,662 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 252 Times Was Thanked 129 Times in 91 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 71 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. lmfao

04-01-2009, 10:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
Moonshiner Moonshiner's Photo Gallery Location: Libertytown, MD Find me on the map! Zone: 6-7 Name: Mike Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 83 BananaBucks : 25,894 Feedback: 0 / 0% Said "Thanks" 39 Times Was Thanked 79 Times in 37 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 26 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. ba-da-BOOM! Where's Rodney when you need him? My wife has cut me down to once a month. I'm lucky. I know two guys she cut off completely. I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West. When I was born, the doctor said to my father, " I'm sorry, we did everything we could but he still pulled through". I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over there's nobody home". So I went over. There was nobody home. During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. I just bought a new Japanese car, then turned on the radio. I don't understand a word they're saying. __________________ Mike Last edited by Moonshiner : 04-02-2009 at 02:59 PM.

04-02-2009, 01:02 PM	#8 (permalink)
Bananaman88 Bananaculturist Bananaman88's Photo Gallery Location: Houston, TX area Find me on the map! Zone: 9 Name: Brent Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,019 BananaBucks : 221,555 Feedback: 22 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,339 Times Was Thanked 2,263 Times in 1,178 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 191 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. Those sound like the one-liners one of the contestants used to do one season of "Last Comic Standing". I can't remember his name. He only did one-liners and he almost always wore overalls, with a blazer draped over one arm. Pretty funny stuff.

04-02-2009, 01:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
Tog Tan Ensete nut Tog Tan's Photo Gallery Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Name: Tog Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 1,757 BananaBucks : 436,956 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,011 Times Was Thanked 2,723 Times in 787 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 204 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. The best birthday present I would send my exwife is a reverse version of the wedding tape; You will see her taking off the wedding tape, then walking back down the aisle, and then comes the best part - she gets into the car and bloody %#$# off! Disclaimer;* if anything happens to any of you, I didn't suggest the above. __________________ ____ Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

04-02-2009, 02:03 PM	#10 (permalink)
Michael_Andrew Michael_Andrew's Photo Gallery Location: Toledo, Ohio Find me on the map! Zone: 6 Name: Michael Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 517 BananaBucks : 68,591 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 248 Times Was Thanked 384 Times in 182 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 226 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. Tog we are almost related. I was married to that same woman!

04-02-2009, 03:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
alpha010 Metal Nanners!! alpha010 's Photo Gallery Location: Mineral Ridge, Ohio Find me on the map! Zone: 6 on arborday 5b on USDA Name: Bob aka Shaggy Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 470 BananaBucks : 139,332 Feedback: 0 / 0% Said "Thanks" 121 Times Was Thanked 238 Times in 148 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 11 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. Crap, I am married to her.......................... __________________ LOL! My house doesnt exist on the member map! Get a little Love in your life. Jump in a Mosh Pit! The only place where every emotion one person can feel will join together and express all at once.

04-02-2009, 04:11 PM	#13 (permalink)
alpha010 Metal Nanners!! alpha010 's Photo Gallery Location: Mineral Ridge, Ohio Find me on the map! Zone: 6 on arborday 5b on USDA Name: Bob aka Shaggy Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 470 BananaBucks : 139,332 Feedback: 0 / 0% Said "Thanks" 121 Times Was Thanked 238 Times in 148 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 11 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. ....I got all my sistahs n me! __________________ LOL! My house doesnt exist on the member map! Get a little Love in your life. Jump in a Mosh Pit! The only place where every emotion one person can feel will join together and express all at once.

04-02-2009, 08:40 PM	#14 (permalink)
Chironex The causasian Asian! Chironex's Photo Gallery Location: Jakarta, Indonesia Find me on the map! Zone: I have no idea Name: Scot Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 2,788 BananaBucks : 121,407 Feedback: 9 / 100% Said "Thanks" 4,544 Times Was Thanked 1,406 Times in 808 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 609 Times	Re: My wife's birthday present. Those are vintage Rodney Dangerfield one-liners. One of the best. Sex is scary I tell ya, last time I had sex, I was all alone. My wife, what a tramp. She told me I was one in a million - I found out she wasn't lying. I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Tough I tell ya, even the babies wore black leather diapers. __________________ Scot

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